The Gnaw Wolf Prank War
by Amazing Auburn
Summary: Fed up with constant pranks, Whistler comes up with a genius plan.
1. Whistler's Plan

**So...my first Wolves of the Beyond crackfic. I've written one for Mr. Peabody and one for Warriors. You poor things must've been waiting for this forever.**

* * *

The gnaw wolves were tired of being pranked all the time. It got to the point when they never sat down. Duh, there might be a whoopee cushion there! One day, March 31st, the Whistler had a plan to get everyone back. "Interested?" he asked the others.

"Fire away," said Creakle.

"We take all their whoopee cushions, first of all. Those are not really...you know, honorable."

"And how do we stay hidden?" Heep demanded. "This wouldn't be good for my humble reputation." Faolan rolled his eyes.

"We don't stay hidden," Tearlach told him gently. "That's the point of a prank. You laugh at the suckers who chase a dollar on a thread."

The Whistler nodded approvingly at the explanation. "That's true. Here, Tearlach, have a cupcake."

"Sweet! Literally!"

Heep tossed his head. "If that's the case, do it without me!"

Faolan waved good-bye as he ran away. "Can I have your cupcake?"

"I don't even like cupcakes!" Heep howled as he faded into the distance. Edme gasped.

"For shame," she whimpered. "A wolf that doesn't like cupcakes. I've just lost faith in wolfkind."

Faolan tilted his head. "Anyway...now what?"

"Like Tearlach said. Dollar on a thread. Also, don't forget, offer cupcakes with Brussels sprouts in the middle." The others gasped in shock. Veggie cupcakes? That was the most dastardly prank any wolf could ever play on another.

"It's settled," Creakle said determinedly, before the others could take a breath to speak. "I will roast the sprouts." Tearlach nodded.

"Tell me, Whistler, these cupcakes...chocolate or vanilla?"

"Chocolate," the Whistler replied solemnly.


	2. The Gnaw Wolves Attack

Lord Adair grinned as he kicked poor Faolan. The Whistler went up to him casually. "Well, hello, Adair," he said quietly. "Would you like a cupcake?"

"Would I!" Adair snatched the cupcake away from the Whistler and bit into it. "Hey…it that a VEGETABLE?" But by then, the two gnaw wolves had run off. Adair chased them angrily, but was distracted by a stand on the path. The sign read "Veggie Cupcakes." As Adair continued his chase, Edme smiled wickedly at Tearlach.

"Those were actually clean."

* * *

"You know how Dunbar MacHeath likes frosted doughnuts? Instead of frosting, I put mayonnaise on them!"

"Brilliant, Creakle!" Edme praised.

"I want to use the dollar," Faolan said.

"You will. On Bhreac." The Whistler grinned. "But the next time anyone tries to take chips from you, Tearlach, offer them these."

Tearlach read the label. "Lay's Orange Juice and Toothpaste. Wow! I feel compelled to give you this."

"What is it?"

"Our Obea has fancy soap. Replace it with aged cheese."

A murmur passed through the gnaw wolves. "I think we can all agree that this is a great April Fools' Day. This is our day now. It'll be over tomorrow, so enjoy it today," Faolan woofed.

"Why are you talking about that now? We haven't even put bouncing balls in the gumball machine, or put healthy food in a box of McNuggets."

* * *

By the time the day ended, the gnaw wolves were ready to go their separate ways. But Edme had a question. "What if they retaliate?"

"They will. They always do, even if we didn't start it."

"Even so, we should be prepared for the worst."

* * *

 **Coming up: The Lords Fight Back**


	3. The Final Battle

Malan MacHeath, lord of some pack, growled and growled. He had been all set to eat McDonald's, but when he had opened the box, there were cherry tomatoes instead of nuggets! Anger bubbled inside him until he was about ready to throw his pup across the den. Of course, he'd done that before, but you get it.

Today he was meeting with the other lords. When he got there he realized that the only ones there were the ones in charge of a pack-with a _gnaw wolf_ in it.

"I think Edme and her friends were up to something!" Malan roared.

All the wolves murmured agreement. "What do we do?"

"Those gnaw wolves will pay for those gumballs that gave me indigestion!"

* * *

The plan was simple. Knowing Faolan ate everything, Bhreac did not hesitate. The huge silver wolf was unable to stomach one thing: pineapples. "What? No, it's-it's cantaloupe!"

 _Cantaloupe my tail,_ Faolan thought, but didn't risk a beating. Later he explained to the Whistler, "I knew what he was doing. I thought I would warn you."

"Things just got real," the Whistler muttered.

From that day forward, every prank was matched, and armies grew. Sort of. Even the Watch got involved, much to Finbar's dismay. Surprisingly the Obeas were on the gnaw wolves' side. Maybe they were drugged.

* * *

The final battle came when Creakle and Lael went to Domino's to get pizza. A friendly young wolf with a chin strap beard and sunglasses made pizza for them and offered them some pink cookies from Hawaii. It seemed shady to Lael. She didn't expect the wolf to know about the prank war, but she couldn't swallow her suspicions.

Creakle, however, trusted the wolf completely. He took a bite from the cookie. "Eww!" he squealed. "It tastes like tree bark and food coloring!"

"Ha!" The wolf ripped off the beard and sunglasses to reveal a long scar. It was Dunbar MacHeath! "We win!"

"Who decided that?"

"Um..."

* * *

Everyone met, grumbling, to decide on the rules. If anyone "broke," the other team won.

It seemed fair.

* * *

One night when Faolan (warily) asked Edme out and they (warily) went to the movies, Duncan MacDuncan and Angus MacAngus observed them carefully. "They're going to see _Minions_ ," Angus whispered.

"Okay."

"They're going to get a snack."

"Okay."

"Come on, Duncan. Time to make our move."

"Okay."

Angus crept behind the bar, sticking on a pencil mustache as he went. "What can I get you today?" he asked.

Faolan ordered actual pink cookies and poked them to make sure they weren't bark. Edme asked for Skittles. Angus gave her M&Ms. She said, "Skittles. Those are not Skittles."

"How can you tell?" Angus wailed.

"It says on the label, bro."

Angus sighed. "That's ten bucks." Faolan gave him toy money he stole from Caila's pups. Angus didn't realize until the wolves had already gone into the theater. He banged his head on the wall until he passed out.

* * *

"And that," Kali finished, "is how the gnaw wolves won the prank war."

"That was the best story ever," said Cana.

* * *

 **Twist with Kali and Cana, huh?**


End file.
